I love my crazy kids--I love my life
I'm not sure where to start. This is my first blog and I am, basically, just letting off steam. As seen from the subtitle, I have my hands full with my children. There is a very long, painful history involved and, I guess, the best thing to do would be to start from the beginning.
I WAS ONCE MARRIED TO MY CHILDREN' S FATHER!!!
I was married to my husband at the age of 25 and my daughter was born 8 months later. The pregnancy was complicated as I developed toxemia and had to have bed rest for the last month. I received no help from my husband during this time, and, if anthing, he made things worse by asking me, "What's for dinner"?........or whatever meal it was time for.......each time he saw me--even when I was laying down on my left side with strict instructions from my doctor not to move accept to go to the bathroom. This was vital to my health as well as my babys'. GET A CLUE DAD!!!!!!! WHAT A FUCKER!!!!.....it's okay, my kids aren't here yet.......AGH!!! Needless-to-say, I was on my own from the beginning. It didn't help that I had two step kids and an adult kid to take care of as well--I had no ME time at all.
Anyway, on with the story. Because of complications with my daughter's heart rate, I had to have an emergency c-section. I was not able to hold her until the next morning, which was a disappointment, however, when I did meet her, I fell in love--this is what love is about. My daughter was my life for the first four and a half years of my marriage as my husband was too busy working, going to the gym, cheating---yes, cheating--to have time for our daughter. His abuse acutally made me happy that he was not at home and the fact that he was cheating made happy as well as he was not bothering. So much for that.....I was happy as long as my husband was not home and my daughter and I were safe. I then became pregnant with my son. I was actually stupid enough to think that this might improve my marriage....boy did I need to GET A LIFE!!
My pregnancy with my son went well. I did not have toxemia and have to do bed rest. The only complication I had was during delivery. My doctor and I decided to do a scheduled c-section with my son because of some issues with his weight, etc. When I was on the operating table, and awake, the doctor began to cut and immediately told me, "No more kids for you". My husband and I were shocked to here this because the pregnancy had gone so well. "Why?", I asked. We were told that I had too much scar tissue inside (also called adhesions) and that it had been a miracle that I had conceived my son. Normally during a c-section, apparently, the surgeon labels and removes each organ in order to get the baby out of the belly. My scarring was so bad that organs could not be removed and had to be cut away before my son could be removed/born. It was really bizzaar as I could actually feel the doctor "TUG" as she cut in order to separate everything. My husband turned "GREEN" several times and almost passed out....darn, no such luck. Eventually my son was born. From where I was he looked perfect....accept for the ugly, gooy, stuff all over him. He was perfect, I thought. Later I found out that I was wrong. He had been born with blue feet and lips. I did not know if I should worry and I was told not to only later to find that this was probably an indication of things to come....
Time went on and my kids and I kept on keepin on. My husband was his usual selfish, asshole self and, again, I was on my own. It was because of this....and three years of therapy...that I decided to actually follow through with my threat to move out with the kids. My son was about one year old and my daughter was about four and a half when we left--can you believe the idiot husband of mine was so sure I fould fail that he actually helped me move some stuff--MORON!! Once I decided to leave, that was it. NO MORE!!
After leaving my husband he harrassed me so much that I had a mental breakdown and was asked to take a Medical Leave of Absence from my job. Even though I had already had three years of therapy to work up the courage to leave my husband, I needed entensive counseling to get though my breakdown while my husband continued to harrass me. JACKASS!!....I feel better now.... Anyway, my counselor and I realized that I would require a longer leave of absence and when I went to my employer to request an extension, they fired me (this was before the law was passed that required employers to proved a position of the same level to persons returning after an extensive leave). Of course, my timing was a bit off...my about six months if I remember right. Regardless, I needed the change. Though I lost my job, it gave me a new start in life as well as a chance to move into a different apartment inside the same complex as my mothers'. The apartments adjusted my rent and I was set expensewise as I was receiving assistance from the government and I had earned sort term disability from my former employer...at least this was something good that came from my former boss. It was time to get my act together, and, with alot of hard work, I did okay. I did, however, suffer a setback.
About a year after I went on disability for my mental breakdown, the pain I had from the adhesions in my belly became so bad that I could barely function. Because of this, and the fact I had two young children to take care of, I decided it was time to have surgery. The day before the surgery, when speaking to one of my neighbor friends, I mentioned that I had a bad feeling and that I did not know why. I also mentioned this to my mother and we decided to ignor it. The next day I went to surgery and within 24 hours went into respiratory failure. I was on a vent for about two weeks and survived an illness that should have killed me. I knew that I was not supposed to leave my kids.....they are what I thought of the most when I was in the hospital...they kept me going. I did not find out until afterward that I had suffered a severe infection called ARDS(Adult Respiratory Distress Syndrome) of which only about 75% of people survive. I was in the 25% Thank you Jesus!!!! I was back with my kids and we had alot to do. The first thing on the agenda, of course, was for me to get better, and then, start school!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I started school within two months of recovery from my ordeal and chose to go to school for Radiologic Technology. The field offered many specialties and, because I used to watch with interest when my mother did it the old fasioned way, I decided to go for it. I started by taking one class at a time choosing an Anatomy course thinking it would be helpful when applying to Xray school...a decision that soon proved to be on-target as only a few years later it was required for such classes to be taken prior to enrolling to Xray school... My next class was Algebra and the next semester I became bold enough to take on both Chemestry and Medical Terminology. I was then ready to apply to Xray school. After applications, tests, and interviews, I was accepted as an alternate in one school and accept as a fulltime student in another. Guess which school I chose....DUHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
With me well on the way with my life, my kids began to show the signs. My daughter started kindergarten with a teacher who did not like her (this was obvious). She seemed to resent her because she could not read, say her abc's, or count to ten prior to starting school. I found this to be appauling as when I started kindergarten, I knew nothing, and learning this in kindergarten...I guessed this was the difference between going to a city school and attending a school in a small town. I felt like I was doing the teacher's job. What did the teachers do in class if the kids already knew how to read, say abc's and count to ten. Well, duhh, they learned to write...I guess? After discussing my daughter's reading difficulties with her pediatircian, I determined that the teacher was the problem and not my daughter. He told me that, "Kids will learn when they are ready." This made perfect sense to me. Because of this, I spent a few extra days at school meeting with my daughter's teacher, and, the good thing was that I spent more time with my daughter one-on-one. Funny thing was, when my daughter started first grade with a new teacher, she thrived and started reading at a higher thank average level. What do you think??........
In the meantime, we were looking for a house so my mother could buy it, keeping in mind where I would attend Xray school. It was time to make some difficult decisions. Once we found a house, I had to find a school and daycare for my kids. I was somewhat happy with the school but not the neighborhood. But, I was very happy with the daycare. From the very first day, my kids liked it and this relieved alot of stress. My daughter started school and all was well, with the acception of the typical kid things. However, my daughter did have a problem in that she got along better with boys than girls and in city shools, this is not necessarily a good thing.
While my daughter was off to school, my son was in daycare. He enjoyed the people and kids and everything was well, that is, until after about a year. I began to get complaints (not bad or angry, just concerned) that my son was behaving differently. He began to become more aggitated and actually hit some other kids at the school. He was also noted to be playing more by himself and was very hyper. So much so that he would roll around on the floor playing immaginary war games and climbing and jumping on furniture. This was not the same kid that started preschool one year earlier. We were all concerned and his teachers told me they would keep me posted. School would be starting for him soon and we would need to get an idea of what was happening prior to. The teacher and I eventually decided it must be just normal little boy behavior with a little extra hyperactivity...of which would eventually slow down. Little did we know, this was only the beginning.
It was time for my son to start kindergarten and his behavior had remained pretty much the same. When he was enrolled I suggested a patient, soft-spoken teacher for him as he had begun to be sensitive to loud noise and too much activity around him. Because I wanted him to get the most out of school, I suggested that he be in a classroom that was a little less stimulating, hoping that my son would do well with less distraction. I was very happy with the instructor and continued my Xray training with less worry about my son. However, the stress returned when I received a note from his teacher telling me that he was being very uncooperative in class. Apparently he began to roll around on the floor, pretending to do battle with GI Joe providing all sound affects. This was not acceptible as he was distracting the other students. I understood the teacher's concerns and we had a meeting to discuss what would be done. A teacher's aide was instructed to help my son keep his attention on his work and, this, hopefully, would help resolve the issue. It did not. The disruptions only continued and the teacher suggested that I get my son evaluated for ADHD. I was not sure what to do. I did not want my son to be medicated to the point he would be like a zombie, but, on the other hand, I wanted him to succeed in school. Naturally, when I took him to be evaluated, he was diagnosed with ADHD. I then had to decide if I wanted him to be put on medication. After a few difficult night's sleep and some extensive research, I decided to start my son on ritalin. According to the information I had gathered, a child with this disorder has so many things going on in his mind at once that it is impossible to focus on only one thing at a time without a little help. I tried to put myself in his shoes and after doing so made my choice. It turned out to be a good decision, but only for the rest of the school year.
During summer break I began to notice more changes in my son. He became increasingly anxious when we had bad weather, especially during a thunderstorm....me too...because I could relate, I was usually able to help him through. Even more noticible was that my son would no longer play with other children, would not look others in the eye, and began to speak with a strange, robotic type tone. It was as if he was changing right in front of my eyes and ears. I tried to let things go, but when his daycare provider introducted the same changes to me, I became really worried. Eventually, as he got into his own-little-world routine, he seemed to be happier and more content. My little boy was no longer the little boy I had known only a few short months ago.
As we are going through the changes with my son and the difficulties my daughter has had in school, I finally finished Xray school and chose to go to school another year to do Radiation Therapy. It was While I was in Radiation Therapy School that things began to really come to a head with my son.
My son started first grade with a new teacher in a new classroom and the classroom they chose to place him in had about 35-40 students of which included fist and second grade students. Basically, my son was swallowed up and was lost in the shuffle of the room. His new environment was the complete opposite of what it should have been. Soon I began to get complaints about my sons' odd behaviors. He continued to play GI Joe by himself in the middle of the classroom and a new odd habit started. He began to "talk with his hands". In other words, he used his hands to hold a conversation. He also often became fixated on objects such as pencils, erasers, etc. This only concerned all of us more. The clencher occured when his speech therapist from the previous year approached me and explained her concern about his change in speech pattern. She told me that the change was so drastic that she did not recognize him has the same person. Because the change had occurred over a period of a few months, I did not notice how drastic a change it really was. I just got used to it. The speech therapist suggested that I have my son get a neurological evaluation for brain function, which included an MRI. She was afraid that he might have a brain tumor. I was devistated. What was wrong with my little boy. In the meantime, I began to have some difficulties in Radiation Therapy School and was told that I "needed to get my act together". My coworkers and instructors had no idea what was going on in my life, so when my clinical coordinator asked me what was up, I explained my situation. She was sympathetic and supportive, but, told me that I would need to do better in clinical training. This left me furious! I thought I was doing very well under the circumstances. The funny thing was, later, after graduation, I was one of the most sought after students for hire and I chose to work for the competition. Isn't funny how things come around? HAHA!!
I took my son for testing as soon as I could get him in to meet with a neurologist. The doctor told me that if his testing results were normal that my son was probably autistic. I was abit confused as I was thinking as autisim as the stereotypical thinker in that he did not sit in a corner and rock and did actually communicate a little. As expected testing was normal as far as the MRI, however, the EEG (Electroencephalogram) was inconclusive as my son was unable to reach a "rem sleep" cycle, a problem which had been going on for at least the last six months. The next step was to go back to the school and sit down with the counselors to discuss a plan of action.
Testing began immediately on my son. We were trying to determine if he was autistic or had other forms of disability such as behavior, learning, etc. I did not believe my son to have a behavior or learning disability so I began to do my own research. I had access to the internet at school as I was now enrolled in college so I could complete my Bachelor of Science Degree. In my research I came accross an article about a form of autism called "Asperger Syndrom". The description of behaviors, personality changes, and quirks described my son perfectly. Another thing that made me sure was the fact that my son actually tested as gifted during his testing phase for autism. As the school testing progressed it was also suggested that I not only get an education diagnosis, but a medical diagnosis as well. This would help when fighting with shcools for my son's educational needs and his IEP (Individualized Edication Plan). I've found out the hard way that you have to stick to your guns i order to receive the help you need for your child sometimes. Thankfully, I was lucky enough to have an Advocate go to meetings with me whom was an associate with the Autistic Consortium/Regional Center for Autistic Children in my area. If it had not been for my advocate, I'm nor sure I would have been able to get through the whole ordeal.
Regardless of how hard it was for me and the rest of my family during this transition period, what about my son. From what I understand in my research, kids with Aspergers Syndrome are so overstimulated at all times that it is impossible for them to be able to communicate with others. They spend most of their time responding to all the information going on in their head that to heck with the rest of the world. Just think about what is going on inside that little (or big) head. There is speculation that some very important people in history may have had aspergers, such as, Albert Eienstein. Remember that Eienstein originally flunked general math! I find this to be utterly amazing as he is more or less the father of physics in my book. Hey, E=MC...you know...
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